Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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