please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
