How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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