Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
