I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
