somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
