He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
