I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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