u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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