i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize