from now on my penis is your penis
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
