There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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