she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
