just tell him i said nine months
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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