We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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