also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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