It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
