He is an equal opportunity slut.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
