i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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