Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've blown a few things in my day
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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