I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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