U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ketchup is God's man juice
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
