My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
