well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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