So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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