All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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