Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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