im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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