im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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