Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
