Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
