He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You dont lie about slip and slides
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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