angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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