their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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