My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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