I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
