woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
