You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
