you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
