im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
