You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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