I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
