My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
