I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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