So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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