This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
