Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
