so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
