i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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