i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
