none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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