Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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