he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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