When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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