Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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