the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
