Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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