I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
