i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This can only be settled by a dance off.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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