Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
