You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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