In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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