ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
