just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
