i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
