Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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