i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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