Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize