I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
