A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
