My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
