making cat noises will not fix the situation.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
